2020 rings in a new decade. How have you been dressing the past ten years? Take a look back on what you’ve been wearing. iPhone photos serve as a great flip book for this. Check in and ask yourself: how does what I’ve been wearing correspond with the life I’ve been living? The proof is in your outfit photos.
We all have a tendency to dress one-dimensionally. Meaning, we tend to stick to the basics. We get stuck in style ruts, and without knowing it we can be dressing the same way for ten years and not even realize it. Personally, I’m much happier, productive, and glowing when I love my outfit; and more importantly when my outfits support my life goals. For example, if you’re wanting to catch a big fish and manifest your husband this year, take a look in your lingerie drawer and ask yourself if you’re ready for this? I’m not knocking your cozy PJs, or fuzzy socks that keep you warm in the winter, but does your lingerie drawer and wardrobe have longevity? Can it keep up with the many seasons of a new, budding romance?
No matter how you feel about fashion. Facts are facts. What we wear is how we feel. And who wants to play one role and live in one dimension their whole life? Not me. I’m sure not you, either. So where do you begin when you want to really figure out your personal style? I’ve worked with a lot of people who look at their friends or coworkers and think they just put it together so effortlessly. They think, “I can wear the same exact outfit, but when I put it together it looks a lot less polished.” So what’s the key to feeling like you “have style”? And how do you make changes for this next decade that’s upon us — to make sure your personal style not only changes with the times, but updates as you upgrade your life and operating system. Ya feel me? Time to put in the work to figure it out, and then dress accordingly. Read on to learn how.
Compare Your Current Wardrobe To Your Ideal Wardrobe.
Take a step back from your day-to-day to do list and regular activities and just take some time to sit in front your closet and take a good hard look at who you are now. Don’t get discouraged. We’re always evolving and changing. But just look. Really look at how you’ve been dressing. Take note of what stays in the back of the closet. Where have your hopes and dreams gone? Has the desire left? Do you feel sexy in the clothes hanging in your closet? Maybe not every single piece, but does at least half of your closet make you feel confident, sexy, and empowered to live your best life? Next, ask yourself what do I really want to be wearing to the office, to the doctors appointments, to my son’s school play, or your sister’s anniversary party? Whatever the event, how does your wardrobe change when your daily activities change? Do you come home from work and change into sweats and leggings every single day? Don’t get me wrong we all need those off days, but does that really need to be how you dress and how you feel every single day you come home from work? Dresses are very comfortable, too. A maxi dress goes a long way. Same for men, shorts and a fitted t-shirt that firms around the cut of your arm muscle can do wonders for the woman sitting next to you, or the local cafe. Your choice.
Figure Out Your Wardrobe Gaps, Then Shop Accordingly.
Now that you have an idea of how you actually dress v. how you want to dress, I’d recommend making a firm shopping list. This is assuming you’ve been following along the Building My Wardrobe blog series, and have experimented and tried clothes on in fitting rooms and created a mood board. You can do this easily on Pinterest. Using mood boards helps you pin images of styles that you like. When you take a step back and look at all the things you pinned, it helps you refine your personal style. Some of the things you’ll gravitate toward simply because you like the aesthetic, but it may not work on your body type or with your actual style. Other things are actually you. It takes experimenting and refinement. Style is a work of art.
Beware The Tendency To Shop Your Favorites.
I always caution clients to be extra aware of shopping for their favorites. I’ll give you an example. The other day I went to Sephora because I ran out of primer, mascara, and lip gloss. I went into the store with the intention of only buying the items that I needed. But, because I LOVE makeup, and playing with different looks and colors, I left with this Smashbox LA Cover Shot Eyeshadow Palette, Dragon Mattemoiselle Plush Matte Lipstick from Fenty Beauty. Plus, I got a bronzer I didn’t really need and Gloss Bomb in Fenty Glow. See how easy it is to keep buying what you love, and shopping in your comfort zone? But, what if you step outside your comfort zone and buy what you need: a new sexy bra, new underwear, perfume, date night outfits, black strappy heels, instead of a new eye shadow palette? I’m talking to myself here, too. Two hundred dollars later I walked out with fun makeup, but my closet really needs new work out clothes, and daytime outfits so I can dress casual and still look cute on my blogging days. That $200 could have went toward that. Look at how easy it is to shop your comfort zone, and buy makeup than purchase things that you actually need. We’re all guilty of it, even stylists. Beware, because this is how you wind up with 27 pairs of jeans and no cover up, beach towel, and outdated swimsuit.
But here’s the thing: when you buy what you need – that gives you a solid foundation to stand on. You can then add accessories like costume jewelry and scarves and sunglasses, but you gotta make sure you have the basics down first. When you have what you need in your closet, you feel like getting dressed is less of a chore and more enjoyable. I can’t tell you the amount of confidence that comes from knowing life can throw any event your way and you know you have an outfit to wear for any occasion right there in your own closet. Time is precious, and I don’t know about you but I’d rather be romance ready with my wardrobe than wait for the iron to strike and be shit out of luck for date night when you’re slammed at the office and a dress is the last thing on your mind. So stand in front of your closet and ask yourself: what do I need to buy to make my wardrobe more functional for my daily lifestyle, and to help me meet my 2020 goals this year? How do I want to dress this decade? What clothes do I want to move away from? Is it time to ditch the leggings and glass of wine after work look, and opt for something more flirty and romantic? Romance doesn’t equate to uncomfortable lingerie, y’all. Take a look at your style from the past decade and sit down and write out 3-5 style goals for yourself. How do you want to dress this decade? Look at your 2020 new years goals and line up your wardrobe with those goals and you’ll have your answer. For example, if you want to get married or go on vacations with a new boyfriend: is your wardrobe ready for that? How do you want to look this year? Take inventory of who you are, and who you want to be, and dress accordingly.
What To Do Next: Identify Your Wardrobe Needs By Identifying Your Dressing Pains.
One of the best, most efficient ways of knowing where your wardrobe stands and what it needs is by listening to yourself when you’re getting dressed everyday. What are you saying and complaining about? Do you always say, shit I need low cut white socks to go with my white lennox sneakers? Dammit, it’s raining again and I have no shoes. Maybe it’s time to invest in some rain boots that go with your wardrobe. Try paying attention to what you’re feeling and venting about as you’re getting dressed and take five minutes to write some of those dressing pains down in a note in your iPhone or in a notebook. Let me know how it goes in the comments below. And feel free to share your personal style inspiration photos with me by tagging @sexualitystylist on instagram and tag me using #sexualitystylist. Can’t wait to see how your style evolves this next decade!