Men love to give. Call me old-fashioned, but it’s true. Men are deeply attracted to women who are strong enough to do it on their own, but also know how to receive the masculine gift of giving.
Last night, I went out for drinks and dinner with two of my favorite leading ladies. We had reservations at this speakeasy called The Bookstore in downtown Bethlehem. We were standing in the waiting room next to a red suede roaring 20s style couch while the hostess was checking on our table. My mother took a seat in a chair next to the hostess stand, and the man sitting on the coach stood up and offered his seat to me and my sister. My sister said, no, that’s okay, it’s alright, we’re good, and Matthew Hussey’s words immediately came to my mind from his amazing book, Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve, where he makes a crisp point to his female readers:
If a man offers you his jacket on a date… for God’s sakes take the freaking jacket. Don’t say no thanks, oh you must be cold, too, or no I’m good — take the jacket.
I looked at the man who rose to his feet to give us his seat and said, thank you, and sat down. A few moments later, I couldn’t help but notice this sense of satisfaction coming from him as he stood on the other side of the waiting room. Why? Because when a man gives to a woman and she receives his giving — even something as simple as offering up his seat so she doesn’t have to stand — can make a man feel like a man. A small, simple gesture has the power to either emasculate, or validate a man’s masculinity. If we slow down and pay attention, we can practice the art of receiving the gift of masculinity, and contribute to the greater good of society by silently validating men in life’s little moments, like this one at the speakeasy.
By now, I’m sure you’ve heard of this whole concept of masculinity and femininity that states that the masculine in a relationship is the giving, problem-solving, decision-making energy, and the feminine energy is receiving, not always certain of what she wants, but always knows how it feels. Let me state the fact that feminine doesn’t equal weak, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean women can’t think for themselves. Feminine energy is at times indecisive, but not incapable or incompetent of sharing her thoughts, ideas, and desires — but there’s truth to be told in the fact that two of the same energies cancel each other out. Being feminine is coming from your heart, it’s being in a state of being instead of doing, it’s passive instead of active, and where you’re proactively choosing to be the receiver in the situation/relationship. Two masculine energies trying to give, give, give, with no one on the receiving end doesn’t make for a fun game of tennis. There’s a book written by Pat Allen called Getting to ‘I Do’: The Secret to Doing Relationships Right! that brilliantly outlines the concept of feminine and masculine energy and how they play out in relationships. This book taught me a lot about dating, femininity, and how to set your standards in relationships.
Don’t just take my word for it. Watch this video from John Wineland called, What Men Crave, to hear it from a man’s perspective. He created this video that summarizes 10 things that men want from women based on the feedback he received from polling his male Facebook community.
Here’s something you can try in your own life. The next time a man gives — holds a door, offers you his seat, or gives you his jacket — practice the art of receiving and accept what he’s trying to give. Now, I hope this goes without saying that I’m not saying to go around saying yes to every single man that wants to do something for you. There’s just as much power in your “no”. But for the sake of this blog post, we’re talking about simple, innocent gestures that men do for women that can easily go unnoticed. You don’t have to be on a date or even romantically interested in the guy be to receive either, just like the case with me at the speakeasy, you can simply accept a man’s offer to give up his seat if the opportunity presents itself. If you’d like to practice this at home, simply say yes when your man offers to carry something for you, or if you’re feeling extra bold — ask the sexy Soul Cycle instructor for restaurant recommendations in the area. Men love to give, and they love to help a woman. It’s not rocket science, it’s plain and simple biology.