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In FASHION/ SEXUALITY & RELATIONSHIPS

Dressing For A Date Doesn’t Have To Be Hard.

If you’re someone who does a lot of should-ing all over yourself every time you get dressed for a date, then this blog post is for you. Dressing for a date doesn’t have to be hard. But, I get the overwhelm that can quickly come when that handsome man from Orange Theory Fitness asks you out.

Creating The Right, First Impression With Your Clothes.

You want to create a first impression that says I’m sexy, smart, sophisticated, and approachable. But you’re worried about the impression you’re trying to create with your clothes because they’re seeing a projection of you before really knowing you, so you want to get it right. And, the pressure tends to go up a notch when you’re getting ready to go on a date with someone you really like. The problem of I don’t know what to wear always intensifies. Should I wear this? No, too sexy. Should I wear that? Ugh, too boring. How do you strike the perfect balance?

First, you want to make sure you’re standing on solid foundation. The thing about romance that makes you most attractive, is having a life that you love that you’re able to invite somebody into, if they’re the right fit for you. You want to project that same grounded in self-love and certainty, but open to loving someone great attitude. You wear that underneath a great outfit and you’ve set yourself up for a successful first date.

“Every man in the world is looking for the woman who needs him, but isn’t dependent upon him; who is sexual but is more than just a seductress; who is kind and generous, but not validation seeking; who is loyal and supports his growth but doesn’t tell him how to live; who fights for her man but is not jealous; who is independent but makes him feel like the most important person in her life; who kicks ass out there in the world, but lets herself be vulnerable and gentle with him.”

Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and Love You Deserve, 2013.

Before You Get Dressed: Say This Powerful, Sexuality Prayer From Marianne Williamson.

The key to feeling sexy and confident in your clothes is two-fold. Having the perfect outfit that says what you want to say is important, but just as important as your date night look, is the woman who is wearing the clothes. Is she ready for this date? You’ve got to prep your inside game, too. Then, when you get dressed you feel ready for a wonderful evening.

Five years ago, I attended Marianne Williamson’s Aphrodite Training and it completely changed my outlook on romance. There were so many gems that came from the experience, I’d have to write a whole blog series on them. But, here’s one of the biggest takeaways from the Aphrodite Training. “Aphrodite (or Nefertiti, Isis, etc.) is in all of us, she’s an ideal, an archetype, she’s a force. Give her time everyday. Not just in meditation, but in cultivating beauty, cultivating sensuality. Allow time for that aspect of your womanhood to come forth in your conversations with people, in your home, you’ll know — wherever you are and whatever you’re doing — allow yourself this most magnificent aspects of yourself, and as you do that, other people can not not want it, and through the grace of God they will be the perfect people for the job.” You’ve got to make time for that goddess to come alive inside of you. She’s the one you want on that date, not your business mind or your go-go-go work mode superwoman. This is a time to show your sexuality, and romantic side. Which is a job for your Aphrodite. Say this powerful prayer to help get you into that sacred place:

Dear God, 
We surrender to you the area of our sexuality. Dear God, as women, we know that this a glorious aspect of who we are but many of us do not feel this way. We didn’t get the modeling from mommy that would make it happen, we didn’t get the modeling from daddy that would make it happen. 
So at this point, we’re just wandering in the wilderness and we’re not even surprised dear God that it attracts men who don’t appreciate it on the level that it could be appreciated or don’t treat it well or even abuse it. 

Dear God, we give you all of our thoughts about sex, we ask that it be a beautiful thing in our lives, a glorious thing in our lives. We give to you right now all thoughts about sex that are not of the light. We place in your hands in any traumatic memories that we might have. For those who were raped, for those who were violated dear God place your hand upon their heart and heal them now. 

Dear God, may there now emerge from deep within us, Aphrodite’s aspect, which is glorious sexuality and sensuality and beauty and magnificence and desirability to the perfect man for us. 

May our sexuality now arise, may all the energies in our bodies, in our minds, in our hearts, in our spirits be recalibrated. May Aphrodite in her full magnificence arise and may the man who can meet us there and see this as the gift that it is, and treat it with the reverence that it deserves, create that match Dear God. 

And also cut dear God, our ties with any man or woman where the connection is not reverent, the connection is not beautiful, the connection is not ethical, the connection is not sacred. Disconnect us Dear God with those who we should be disconnected. And connect us with those with whom we should be connected, and make right all energies within us, that we might know the difference and the form of appropriateness in every bond. 

Some of us here, Dear God, pray for our great love, some of us here have never had it, may he find us. Some of us here are in relationships in which we desire blessed, and healed and made whole. We put in your hands our marriages, our past relationships and our futures. We pray that each of us receive a miracle. That each of us and and all of us may now feel your hand upon us and receive the miracles we need, and so it is we say Amen.

From Marianne Williamson, The Aphrodite Training, 2015.

3 Outfit Formulas For Getting Dressed For A Date.

After the sexuality prayer, and right before you get dressed, it’s important to follow your usual romance ritual to mentally, emotionally, and spiritually prepare yourself for your date. If you don’t have one, or want some ideas, click here to read my guest blog post: Personal Style Tips For Feeling Confident On A Date here on The Ladies Coach. I also include a great track to listen to while you’re getting ready.

I created 3 outfit formulas below that you can easily switch in and out with other pieces to help you put together the right look for your next date. If you’re wondering what an outfit formula is, Anuschka Rees breaks it down for you in her book The Curated Closet, defining it as a recipe for a specific combination of items you can wear in a variety of ways. Think Anna Wintour’s outfit formula: a chunky necklace, a knee-length dress, heels, and sunglasses. She switches out silhouettes and styles, but she stays consistent within that outfit formula. Here’s a few ideas for your next date night.

  1. For Casual Date Night: your outfit formula could be jeans + t-shirt + casual, comfortable heel + jacket. Choose jeans and a tee that fit you well, and make sure your shirt is pressed so you don’t look like you’re doesn’t mean you want to look too casual like you’re laying around the house on Sunday. Go with the jeans that make you feel sexy and powerful, but pair them with a flirty, sexy top or even a lace camisole tank under a light jean jacket, romantic blazer (think satin fabrics so it’s less business and more of an evening look). Finally, wear a pair of heels that you would feel comfortable walking around downtown in, but sexy and cute so you don’t feel frumpy like you’re watching your baby niece at the playground.
  2. For An Upscale Evening: your outfit formula could be a sexy, sophisticated dress + stockings + dressy light (or winter) coat + simple jewelry + high heels. You could play with different types of dress silhouettes here and wear a short, fit and flare dress, a long maxi gown, or a specific, Great Gatsby style dress if the venue calls for it. Pair this with matching jewelry and heels to complete the look and wear a coat that compliments if needed.
  3. For A Lunch/Day Date: your outfit formula should be day-time friendly. It could be something like a fun shade of lipstick, think Fenty Beauty’s Mattemoiselle Plush Matte Lipstick in Ballerina Blackout + your favorite pair of sandals like these cute Spanish Villa Monica Wedges from Toms + something like this Jenny Yoo Kelli Print dress + a light jean jacket like this one from Express, so that you still feel dressed up for a date. There are different levels of casual.

What To Do Next.

Now it’s your turn to create 3 of your own outfit formulas. Take note of the looks you usually screenshot or save on Instagram, and see if there’s a common thread. Do all of the outfits include jeans, or a pretty blouse, chunky jewelry, etc. Do a quick audit, and then create your own outfit formulas for your dates. Next, design your own romantic ritual that you use for date nights, like the one I shared in my guest blog post on The Ladies Coach. Doing these two things in tandem centers you into receiving only what’s in your highest good. You’ve got to practice spirituality with your sexuality if you want to attract a man that is not only good to your body, but also good for your heart. Now, you can walk into the date knowing you look good in your perfectly curated outfit, and feel good because you prepared inside and out, and handed the date night over to God.

Stacy Hamm
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